Intimacy by Invitation

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  I listen to all types of issues that come up in marriage counseling. Some are embarrassing, even distressing for spouses to bring up. Some of the issues that I’ve been asked about time and again is – how often should we be having sex OR how can I ask for more sex OR how can I decline sex without causing hurt feelings. One of the most important factors that can help answer these questions pertains to consent.

An article, "A Catholic Guide to Practicing Consent in Marriage" by Grace Wojdak, emphasizes the importance of consent and the unitive aspect of sexuality in Catholic marriage. The article integrates Catholic teachings, philosophical insights, and practical advice to help couples cultivate a healthy, consensual, and unitive sexual relationship. ​

The healthiest goal of the marital sex act is to be unitive. While Catholic marriage prep classes often teach the purpose of sexuality is procreation and that the spouses are open to life; what sometimes gets overlooked is, the unitive bringing of the spouses together for the good of the marriage bond and for the good of each of the spouses, individually. Unitive sex meets these qualities: it is consensual, freely chosen, and brings spouses closer together in marital unity.

Unitive sex brings about virtue that is relational. Consent is not just a one-time verbal agreement but an ongoing process throughout the relationship, throughout the day, and throughout a sexual encounter. ​Mutual respect between the spouses, attentiveness to each other's feelings, and the ability to detect subtle signs of hesitancy or willingness are always in progress.​

Couples should prioritize connection, non-sexual rituals of connection. Couples need to practice open communication – finding ways to discuss their needs and preferences. Additionally, couples should practice affectionate touch throughout the day; simple hand-holding, a touch on the arm, or hugging for example. These help build a sex life that is fulfilling. These actionable items create emotional intimacy, trust, and security which are crucial to a strong, healthy marriage.

What can cultivate consent? Couples can and should talk openly about their sexual preferences, desires, and experiences, using shared terminology to avoid misunderstandings. ​

Couples need to be engaging in non-sexual rituals of connection, often. Examples of this are common touches, like hugging and hand-holding, sitting closely as a routine part of their day. All of these practices to build trust and closeness. ​

 Active listening, learning to read each other's verbal and non-verbal signals. Paying attention to each other’s cues, especially during intimate moments and ask for clarification when needed. ​

Develop shared meaning and ways for initiating and gently refusing sex, ensuring mutual respect and understanding. Remember, consent is ongoing, especially during intimacy. Think of it as a continual conversation, as rightly so during and throughout sexual encounters.

Don’t hesitate to seek therapy or counseling to address communication issues. More importantly, don’t hesitate to seek help to repair trust issues. Trust and communication strengthen emotional and sexual intimacy. ​The author, Grace Wojdak, encourages married couples to start conversations about sex and consent, to help develop a deeper understanding and connection to each other.

Article: “A Catholic Guide to Practicing Consent in Marriage” by Grace Wojdak
https://churchlifejournal.nd.edu/articles/a-catholic-guide-to-practicing-consent-in-marriage/

Posted by Michelle M. Browning, February 19, 2026