How to Talk to Your Kids / Students After Traumatic Events

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1. Offer calm presence.
Children take cues from their parents. Speaking in a calm & steady voice (close to your ‘usual’ voice, children become alarmed when you act too differently). Keep family routines and show affection. By staying calm, keeping routines, and showing affection, children feel anchored. Spend quality time with your child. Offer physical comfort.

2. Use clear, age-appropriate language.

• For younger children, keep it simple: “You are safe here at home. We are together, and I will take care of you.”
• For older children, add context without overwhelming them: “What happened was very unusual, and the adults in charge are working to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

3. Reaffirm safety repeatedly.
Reassure that the event is over and the child is safe. Kids may ask the same question many times. It’s okay to repeat reassurances patiently—it helps them internalize it.

A good phrase to keep in mind is:  “You are safe now. We are together, and the adults around you are working hard to keep you safe.”

4. Highlight protective measures.
Point out what is being done to keep them safe (locks, teachers trained to help, emergency responders, safety plans at school and at home).

5. Encourage expression.
Offer opportunities for your child to talk, but don’t pressure them. Let them share fears through talking, drawing, or play. Listen attentively and take their concerns seriously. Listening without minimizing their feelings helps them process. Let them know their feelings are normal and understandable.

6. Answer questions honestly & factually.
Be honest and use age appropriate language for their age level, avoiding graphic details. Correct any misconceptions they may have heard from others. Encourage older students to only share factual data. Discourage older students from straying from the facts.

7. Stick to routines.
Keep household routines as normal as possible to provide a sense of stability. Regular meals, bedtime, and school routines create and maintain stability and predictability, which decreases fear.

8. Reduce Expectations
Take a short break from expecting performance at home and school, temporarily.

9. Pray as a family.
Offer up a prayer, a rosary, or some form of fasting for the victims. Recite renunciation prayers, for example, “In the name of Jesus, I renounce the spirit of fear. In the name of Jesus, I announce the truth that I am safe now and that he holds me in His love.”

9. Limit exposure to upsetting news / media / social media.
Prevent ongoing stress with reassurance and by controlling their environment—too much media coverage can reinforce fear.

10. Know When To Seek Help

 Watch for signs of distress that show a need for support from a mental health professional.